sorry b train

Sorry B train – nobody needs you. I’m not saying that we don’t appreciate your expressness (when there isn’t construction going on) in Brooklyn. I’m not saying that we don’t appreciate your stopping throughout the Bronx during rush hours while the D runs express. I’m just saying that all of your accomplishments come in supporting roles for other, more important trains. In fact, you are the only train in the entire system that does not have a station of its own. You are a mooch, in other words.

It seems strange that the B train would be such a useless vessel. Alphabetically speaking, the B seems like it would be pretty important. That is, when people began making trains and then began making names for those trains that correspond to letters in our alphabet, the B train was most likely the second one conceived (we know, however that the reality of the situation is more complex – but it would seem that B would be important). So, how could so prominent a letter be allowed to sink so far into obscurity so as to in fact be unnecessary and burdensome?

It was not always this way. The B used to run on its own line in Brooklyn, servicing many without help. The more obscurely lettered Q train did the work the B train currently does (in support of the new, yellow Q train, I might add) in Brooklyn. These were also the days in which the B train made a random detour into Roosevelt Island during weekends. That was weird. But, better than what it does now during weekends, namely, not run! And what about nights? No. So, we have here a train that does not have a station that it and it-alone serves that does not even bother to run on nights and weekends. Why do we have this train at all? If it is not servicing anyone in particular, then what distinguishes it as an individual subway line other than the fact that it used to be more distinguishable but as a result of random MTA shuffling of trains lost all personality – and the fact that it is called by a very recognizable letter that would be conspicuous in its absence from the pantheon of New York subway parlance? Nothing.

Here is the solution: Eliminate the Q train and call it the B train. There is no reason to have a Q train and no H train or P train (I sort of understand why there is no K train – because of the fact that there used to be, and even sort of less understand why there is no I or O train – because they are vowels lesser vowels?). Those who ride the Q train and derive a sense of self relative to its quirkiness need develop more substantial personality traits. Take the amount of all the B trains that are currently deployed, and split that number by three. 1/3 of those trains will be known as the (B diamond), thus indicating its role as an express train during rush hours through Brooklyn. 1/3 of those trains will become additional C trains, to help out that decrepit line. 1/3 of those trains will become (D diamond) trains, thus indicating that it runs local through upper Manhattan (as the current B does), and express in the Bronx (as the current D does during rush hours).